F or most, Groundhog Day is the first sign that winter will soon be ending; that from Feb. Now, I know disliking this Hallmark holiday is nothing original. It actually didn't start out too bad. I had the day off work, because my friends and I were going to see Del The Funky Homosapien that night. Before heading to the show, we all went over to Maggie's place to pregame, because Maggie was the coolest, and that's what we always did. Everyone loved Maggie, she was that mellow, carefree girl with a great sense of humor who you could do no wrong around.
I really loved Maggie. I'd told her so months earlier, but she "wasn't looking for a boyfriend. When he leaned over and coyly pecked her on the cheek, I began to realize what everyone else in our group of friends had managed to figure out long before: Maggie wasn't looking for a boyfriend because she already had one.
I wish the story ended here. I was in the passenger seat of Tyler's car, pulling out of Maggie's driveway half an hour later, when my phone started ringing. The last coherent memory I have is wondering why my sister would be calling me at close to 1 am, her time. I'm not sure how many times I asked, Gangsta Shit (Extended Club Version) - Lil Eazy-E - Gangsta Shit I don't know if I hung up on her before punching the glove compartment and repeatedly screaming, "FUCK," until Tyler pulled over.
But I was. I was that, Stone Cold Santa - Matt Bunsen - Stone Cold Santa. It's been close to five years now since that awful, shitty night. I still miss my father on a daily basis. But weirdly, I feel Stone Cold Santa - Matt Bunsen - Stone Cold Santa in the last five years, we've been closer than we ever were in the five years before his death. Every time I've wanted to share something with him, or talk to him, I can hear his answer as clearly as my own voice in my head.
I can't exactly remember what Maggie's face looks like. I probably still haven't totally gotten over that night, but over the years, I learned something about loss: If you knew what you had to begin with, nothing can ever take away the way that person made you feel. Because if what we share in life is real, we start to become part of one another. The point is often the least interesting part of the conversation.
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